Still I feel like I'm gunning for a silver instead of a gold, if you know what I mean. I don't think she means to, but sometimes she does make me feel second best.
And after after we slept together last night she said, "You are an amazing girlfriend." This is what she always says after we sleep together, and here's where it gets weird... she makes me stop before she orgasms. She says doesn't like it when I make her orgasm. Now that is bazaar to me because everyone strives for that certain release. I like making her feel good and I get excited when she starts shaking and moaning. And just when I think she's going to ....she freaks out and pushes me away because she says it is too intense for her to finish. Actually she pushes me over and starts going down on me before I can finish her off. This makes me feel somewhat inadequate, even though I almost got her there. I'm determined to figure out why she won't let me finish what I started.
Sometimes I feel out of place with Chloe. When we go to a bar or out for dinner Chloe looks at other girls. If we go to a bar sometimes she flirts with them in front of me. I'm not sure exactly how to take it. If I flirt with girls she gets upset. I want to give her space, but I want her to respect me at the same time.
When we went to Per Se, this guy at another table was checking me out and I glanced over because he was so obvious doing the scoping. "Oh my god, this guy is too much. He's got the X-ray vision on or something," I said to Chloe.
"What? Do you want to sleep with him?," Chloe said annoyed. "Go ahead," she said. "He's been checking you out all night."
"Uh, No! I'm here with my girlfriend," I reminded her. Then she smiled and changed the subject and that seemed to be the end of that.
Chloe left this morning and said she would be at my home to cook dinner for me, which is really sweet. But it is Sunday night and almost 9pm. I'm wondering if she'll actually show up. She called about an hour ago from her place to say she was on her way, but it only takes her 20 minutes at the most to get here. (I know cause I have been to her place.) So where is she? Flirting with girls at Hens? Probably.
Now, I might be scared because I really like Chloe. Really like her. I think I'm falling for her. But there is something about her that I don't trust completely. For the most part we are two peas in a pod. We like the same foods, laugh at the same stupid movies and I can be myself with her. But there are things about her that make me nervous. It scares me too that she hates her job, and has ambitious dreams to be a doctor that she wants to fulfill eventually, someday. She quit her dream half way through med school and started bar tending. That's what she has done since and she hates it. Perhaps it is just me, but she seems to finish everything half way through including relationships and, whats more is that doesn't seem to bother her. It bothers me though. I have to admit. Maybe I'm just too harsh or judgmental. But I feel like even if I'm part of her dreams, if she has to give it effort, she will quit me half way through too. - Ruby
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