Dump This Biznitch

It was Sunday afternoon and I had just returned from Astoria where I visited my secret gem, Saloon, for a day of hair pampering (one of the last simple pleasures which I am able to afford). It was a cool, yet sunny day and I was trying to decide whether to go out barhopping for a bit; unusual behavior for me on a Sunday. Josh had not called; there had been a few emails and the assistance I gave to him to find another job as he wanted to leave the comic book powerhouse where he worked. Imagine that—me, the temp employee, trying to find work for another person who had a permanent position! You would think I might learn…no, a characteristic that I had also inherited from Grandma was the put others before yourself, people pleasing syndrome.

Ruby had taken off on Friday for a weekend up at Hunter Mountain. It was a two night ski trip and she had said that she wanted to invite me, though it was strictly a gay/lesbian holiday; which I understood.

Suddenly, my cell phone began to ring. It was Josh and for some strange reason, I began to have some strange feeling. I thought perhaps I shouldn’t answer the call. Then second thought why should I second guess seeming eager to hear from a friend who had become something more? I answered.

“Hey, it’s Josh. Are you busy?”, he asked.

This seemed so odd. “Not too busy. What’s up?”, I asked.

“I wanted to know if I could come over for a minute. I will not be long.”, he replied.

UGGGG, here it comes. He is breaking up with me. He had once told me that he only breaks up with girls in person; too disrespectful over the telephone or text message. Well, all pave the way for Mr. Valiant. I knew what I was walking into and for a second considered jumping the gun and calling him out, though I guess I was still hoping that he wouldn’t dump me. Not because I thought it would destroy me. Whatever, he is a guy who was a colleague, then a friend and we tried the romantic thing for a month; we never established exclusivity. Though let’s get real—BEING DUMPED SUCKS!

After ringing the doorbell I led him into the living room and sat on the sofa...and he began...

"Frankie, I have been so fortunate to date amazing women in my life," yes, he said this, "and you are breathtakingly beautiful, smart, ambitious. You really are great."

Was he serious? I can't believe this. But oh yes, it gets better...of course it gets better...

"I don't want to continue our relationship", he finally admitted.

"Why are you dumping me?", I asked.

"I know. It is something with me (translation..."it's you Frankie") I tell myself to get over it and I just can't. I am sorry", Josh apologized.

I breathed in deeply; he completely evaded my question.

He continued,"I would still like to, you know, hang out every so often."

I couldn't believe it! My self-pity had turned to disgust. Did he just say that?!

I looked at him point blank and said,"Mmmm, no, I don't do that. I come around once."

He looked stunned. Could he not believe that I was not begging to be close to his hairy like a yak body? "Uh, I think I should go", he whispered.

"Yes, good idea", I agreed.

He walked out the door as I held it open, had the nerve to look back and say, "Goodbye Frankie", way too dramatic.

I raised an eyebrow and almost laughed while I slammed the door shut in his face.

Well, that was it...Tonight is a bar night! I grabbed my phone and called Sarah immediately-- "Hey Girlie, what's up?", she asked.

"Josh dumped me!", I shrieked.

"Oh no! What a loser. He's a hipster, isn't he?," she asked.

"Don't start!", I laughed,"it's fine, whatever, he is a loser and apparently it is something with the name Josh...a few other chicks seem to have the same problem. Though I need to get out of here...NOW! Meet me at Japas in half an hour?"

Sarah laughed,"This is awesome. Almost like you're celebrating. Sure, I am down for that type of fun".

At that moment Ruby walked in. "Hey Chiquita, what's going on dude? I just saw Josh downstairs; he looked like shit and didn't even notice me", she said.

"Josh dumped me", I rolled my eyes as I spoke,"now it's time for some tension release. Let's go!"

"Frankie, I am sorry. That sucks! He is such a dirty dog", said Ruby, "though I am kind of tired from pretending to be Hannah Teter this weekend".

"I'll give you a little hint...for my first number, I will sing...well you must wait and find out", I teased.

Ruby looked at me curiously.

"Why Karaoke, My Dear", which was all I had to say before we were out the door...and losers out of our lives. --Frankie