"Did you see Shy Girl's blog post about you?" Jane asked, frantically waving her arms. We had met for a drink at Cubbyhole and my happy hour martini was headed back to the bar through my nose.
Luckily I sucked it back in the nick of time."Excuse me? Say what?" I said wincing and wiping my nose.
"Rubes, Shy girl has written like 10 blogs about you! She took out her iPhone and went to Shy Girl's Facebook page where there were links with descriptions such as:
"The cute girl from the bar",
"I think I like her",
"I'm buying a U-Haul",
"Why won't she return my phone calls and finally,
"The bitch dumped me."
"Ah, good read?" I asked. "It sounds like the top 10 breakup songs of all time. I like the sound of the last one."
"Rubes, they are all about you! She just keeps writing and writing about how you broke her heart. What on earth did you do?" Jane asked.
"Uh, well, I hooked up and then slept with Chloe after the New Years party and then when Shy Girl asked me on another date I told her no because Chloe and I decided we would be girlfriends, " I admitted.
"Wait, you have a girlfriend now?" Jane asked as if her head were going to explode. "Exclusive girlfriend?"
"Yes, I suppose so. But I feel kind of bad, like I pressured Chloe into it," I explained. "We had slept together and were talking about how we were both very bad at being girlfriends and had had shitty girlfriends and I said I wanted another and was looking for something serious eventually, but eventually turned out to be like one hour later after we had sex for the umpteenth time," I said very fast and took another sip out of my martini.
"Holy shit," Jane stated. "This is never going to work. Chloe is a bartender so you'll like never see her with your schedule," she said.
"That might be a good thing," I replied. "Think about it. We both get a certain amount of personal freedom that way," I said trying to sound positive.
"Or you will just end up cheating on each other," Jane said.
"Thanks for your affirmation and support," I retorted.
"Ok, but you really need to do something about Shy Girl or she is going to go psycho on you one of these days. Read her post,"Jane advised.
Jane was right. Shy Girl was hating. She wasn't just venting about bad dates; and we hadn't had sex so posting on bad sex wasn't even possible. Shy Girl had dedicated several posts to our relationship that never was because she didn't know why it never was.
One post whined:
Why won't you talk to me. I thought things were going well. I was falling for you before you broke my heart you asshole.
Another post stated:
I wish I could cut your heart up into tiny pieces you fucking bitch. I hate you and I hope you get a disease and die you slut
Did I really want to talk to the person that had written that? Did I deserve that?
In truth, Shy Girl had confused the hell out of me. She seemed nice at first. But then she had talked about how she was still attracted to men, but wanted to be with a woman; made a bet with her best friend over whom I would choose to date; came to a party as a friend and told everyone she was my girlfriend and then made a scene and passed out on the living room rug at Cindy's. So I had simply just told Shy Girl that I wasn't interested in seeing her anymore over the phone. That apparently wasn't enough.
"OK," I said and grabbed my phone and dialed up Shy Girl who answered a little bit too quickly and eagerly. "Hi. Yeah, so I see you've been writing some posts about me," I said.
"Yes," she admitted. "I don't know why we broke up," she complained. "You just dumped me!"
"I did," I said. "Listen, it wasn't you. I'm just at a place right now where I don't think I can be with anyone," I lied. "You were fantastic, but I'm not sure we are really good together, and I don't think that I can be as good to you and you could be to me," I said.
Jane rolled her eyes and took a sip of her amaretto sour.
"I don't want to hurt you," I continued to say to Shy Girl. "I'm very sorry if I caused you pain." This was true. I didn't want to hurt her.
Jane nodded approvingly.
"Well, if you ever want to grab a drink," Shy Girl said. "I think we would have made a great couple, but I understand if you are not ready for commitment. I thought you were. But I want someone who is serious and treats me well."
"And you deserve it," I said. "I have to go now, but again, I'm sorry. I hope we can still be friends."
"Friends," Shy Girl agreed.
I hung up. "I feel like an asshole," I admitted.
"You kind of look like one too," Jane said and rubbed my head. "But I love you anyway, you dog."
Jane checked her Facebook on her iPhone. "I think she's OK now."
Shy Girl's status said "Over It." - Ruby
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