While out to dinner with friends this weekend I noticed something about one of the couples who were a part of our group. The conversation seemed to stray back to his ex occasionally throughout the evening. If you are just about THERE with a man and are able to write a biography about his ex then get out while you can... http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/warning-signs-that-hes-not-over-his-ex-574412/
So Frankie, our friend Lilith and I met up at Equinox after work for a little gym time. We all got on our treadmills and started our engines. About 15 minutes into our run this bulky young blond guy approached our dear friend Lilith's treadmill, just as she was breaking out a sweat.
"Hey, ma'am can you check out my ringtone?" he asked her.
Lilith looked bewildered. "...really...you're serious?!" she said as she slowed down from a run to a walking pace.
"Sorry, I"m just formal like that. Yeah, this is a great ringtone, I just got it, and wanted to get an opinion, can you tell me what you think?"
"Er...sure," she said.
This was possibly the worst pickup line ever, I thought, and winced. I expected his phone to be playing something vulgar.
He whipped out his iPhone and smiled at Lilith. Then he hit a button. The ringtone was unmistakenly Sanford and Son.
"Uh, it's Okay," Lilith replied.
"It's Sanford and Son!" he said. "Don't you know it! People seem to really dig it.?"
"Er, yeah, I guess. So...how many people in the gym have you asked so far?"
"Just you," he said. "I thought you would know it."
Lilith, just gawked at the guy. "Why did you call me, ma'am?" Lilith asked.
Frankie interrupted and set the poor guy straight. "Lesson is don't call any woman under 40, ma'am. Got it?"
He nodded. We had after workout martini's to recover from the unfortunate incident. - Ruby
I knew I was online a lot, but this could be going over the edge. This is a parody of the new Apple Tablet called the iPad that is unbelievably funny. It leaves you with that not so fresh feeling. Hmmmm firewall protection...- Ruby
So I am close enough to Josh to sleep with him, though not to suggest that he Nair his entire body, not that I would; that is simply mean. We had a few slumber parties (is it wrong that I am now viewing our time together from such a childish perspective?).
Ruby was holding a surprise birthday party for one of our friends, whom she had dated in the past. Yes, she was playing the field and having a great time inventing new and innovative ways to prepare breakfast. It was obvious to that Ruby had feelings for Jenn still after all this time. Jenn was turning 30 and Ruby wanted to show how good of a friend she is and I feel she wanted to also show what a great girlfriend she could be.
I asked Josh to accompany me to the festivities, as a bunch of my old friends would be there and I thought that this would be a good time to introduce him to them.
We arrived at Ara and found Matt and Karen sitting at the bar sipping wine. Not in much of a mood to slip into a wine coma, I joined Josh in a pint and asked that he order a Stella for me. Friends began slipping in and pretty soon the birthday girl walked in on the arm of none other than Ruby, who was glowing.
"You guys!", gushed Jenn, beaming and completely happy to see everyone. "What an awesome surprise! Thank you for coming!".
"Frankie!", she yelled, "I haven't seen you in forever! How are you?"
"Happy Birthday Sunshine!", I wished to my friend (who, by the way, has always been a bright ray of happiness). "It's great to see you. Though why so glum?", I joked.
"Are you kidding me? Who wouldn't be ultra happy to have such great friends; especially this little Ruby Foo?", answered Jenn as she put her arm around Ruby and kissed her cheek which was now turning crimson. "And this", she continued,"must be Josh. I have heard a great deal about you from Ruby. She tells me that you are the comic book guru. You and I must discuss the adventures of Anita Blake later this evening", said Jenn, winking. "Ha! Anita Blake, excellent. I am more of a Punisher man, though an open minded Punisher man", joked Josh, "And Happy Birthday Jenn", he continued.
Jenn leaned in and whispered in my ear,"I like him Frankie, he is a cute, well rounded, comic book geek".
"Yea, I kinda like him too, Jenn", I whispered.
Jenn giggled, and danced away to greet other friends all while singing, "When Irish eyyyyyyes are smiliiiiin'".
The evening was going well. We shared yummy appetizers; a Mediterranean plate, cheese plate, and Tandoori chicken pizza. Josh was chatting up Matt and it was nice catching up with my friends. Suddenly, in a bizarre display of...well, I don't even know what to call it. Josh laid his head on my shoulder and then proceeded to turn his face into my blouse. It was like a child who was becoming tired at a family party and showed his exhaustion by nuzzling his mothers body.
"This is awkward", I thought. "Are you feeling ok?", I asked Josh.
"Yes, I am fine", he replied as he sunk behind me on the sofa, while grabbing my waist.
"A small child indeed", I thought. "We could leave soon if you like", I said.
"You don't have to go, really. I will probably leave in 10 minutes", said Josh.
He was acting a bit strangely. I guess this is what one must deal with when shopping for love with child-like men in the kids department of romance.
We said goodbye to everyone, bought Jenn one final birthday shot of Jameson's (oh how whiskey makes me emotional) and walked home.
I thought Josh was going to ask me to tuck him in, though instead he made it clear that he wanted to end the evening. Was he tired? I am not sure. Not feeling well? Perhaps. A hairy child...definitely. --Frankie
The morning after our New Years Eve bash I rolled over to find Shy Girl sleeping in Cindy's extra bed next to me, snoring. No, no we didn't sleep together. In fact, she had passed out on the floor shortly after midnight and Cindy and I had deposited her on the bed, where she stayed the rest of the night. But why was I here and where was Chloe?
It took me a hangover moment, but I remembered.
After Shy Girl was tucked in bed, Cindy turned up the music, (her latest favorite was Tiesto) and started dancing. She grabbed my waist from behind and started grinding my butt.
"Oh yeah, let's dance baby!," Cindy shouted.
"You pig," I laughed and played along."
Cindy's new girlfriend came over to claim her hips and save me from another round of butt humping. I looked around and saw that Stalker was slowly coming over toward me, looking for a dance, I grabbed the hand of Katie, a tall blond that Jane had a crush on. Jane looked otherwise occupied with one of the girls from speed dating and Chloe was dancing with one of Cindy's friends, so I started dancing with Katie. Katie put her arms around me, quite intimately, and pulled me closer to her . She smelled like powder and vanilla. She brought her face extremely close to mine as we danced and then brushed her cheek against mine and whispered, "Crazy is coming over. I hate that girl. She tried to grab me earlier,"
Then I felt a hand on my butt. It was Katie's! "Just play along with me, please," she whispered again in my ear and then brushed her cheek to mine again. Katie and I spun adjusted so I was facing Stalker, who looked visibly annoyed at the two of us dancing.
"It's working. She's pissed. God, you smell good," I replied nervously.
Katie started nuzzling my neck. "You smell really good too. Is that Dolce?" she asked.
"Yeah," I said faintly. Katie's fingers were circling my hip bones as we danced. I grabbed at her belt loops and went with it. There was no way Stalker would interrupt us like when we were dancing like this.
Then I heard a commotion behind me. "Oh my God!" Katie said and stopped dancing. I turned around and saw Chloe dancing wildly in a blue bra. Her abs were killer. She was immediately surrounded by every single woman in the room.
"Damn, she has an awesome body," Katie said and winked at me.
"Yes, she's pretty great," I replied and looked longingly at Chloe who was dancing with two cute girls and Stalker.
"But I'm pretty content holding this body," Katie said and pulled me close.
Katie was seductive and pretty, but I knew Chloe and I really liked her (and I had been kissing her just an hour ago in the bathroom) "Thanks," I replied, blushing, "but I really should go over there and break that scene up. It's just a matter of time before Stalker tries to remove her bra. "
"Okay, go get her, stud. Just know, I'm available if things don't work out with her, Ruby," Katie said and kissed my cheek.
I made my way over to Chloe and grabbed her around the waist from behind and started dancing with her. She turned around and kissed me. "Finally," she said and pulled me close. She put a leg in between mine as we danced. "It took forever to get you away from that girl. The only thing I could think of that would distract you was taking off my shirt."
"Thank God you did," I said. "Things with getting pretty hot and heavy," I said, laughing and I kissed her again.
"Blue is your color after all," I said playing with her bra strap.
"Now we have to take off your shirt and see what your color is," Chloe said and tried to pull up my shirt. I backed away, laughing.
"I wouldn't mind seeing that," Stalker said loudly, as she danced with one of Cindy's friends. "Take it off of her!"
Chloe grabbed my hand and shook her head and we made our way to the bathroom for another private kissing session.
When we returned everyone had pretty much started passing out. People were passed out everywhere. Chloe kissed my hand. "There's a spot in the bedroom," Chloe said. "You go sleep in the bed and I'll sleep on the floor to make sure no funny business goes on."
And so that's how I came to be sleeping next to Shy Girl.
I got up and saw Chloe was still sleeping on the floor. I walked into the living room. Almost everyone from the party had left. There was loud moaning from Cindy's room. Typical.
I walked back into the bedroom and woke Shy Girl up. "Hey, how are you feeling?"
"Hey sweetie," she said, and started to turn green. "I'm okay. I've a bit of a headache, and I should run to the bathroom."
Once Shy Girl emerged from the bathroom she awkwardly apologized. She kissed me on the cheek as she left. "I'll call you tomorrow. Maybe we can go out for dinner," she said.
"Sure," I said awkwardly and smiled. "I wasn't sure how to tell her that I hooked up with Chloe in the bathroom while she was passed out.
After she left I went to the fridge. "What's for breakfast?" Chloe said sleepily.
"You," I replied and grabbed a can of whipped cream from the fridge. - Ruby
Have you noticed a lot of celebrities are crossing over to the girl-on-girl side lately? (If only just to get a bit of attention.)
Sandra Bullock and Meryl Streep had quite a kiss at the Critic's Choice Awards. Bullock even joked that the two may take their kissing act on screen.
Even, singer Kylie Minogue has admitted that she had been curious about kissing a girls, but hasn't experimented.
Do you think this is a positive reflection on the gay community or do you think it's a ploy to gain more attention like when straight girls lock lips in a bar to try to get men interested? - Ruby
Chocolatiers have conquered the candy markets for many major holidays; Valentine's Day, Easter, Chanukah, Christmas...Sundays.
Now, an Israeli chocolate distributor, Tnuva, has managed to offer comfort the during the days following a break-up via an ingenious marketing method. A friend in need is a friend indeed...a friend in need of chocolate that is... http://adage.com/mediaworks/article?article_id=141622--Frankie
New Year's Eve Cindy and I hosted a party at her pad. We invited all of the girls from the speed dating event we had participated in. Cindy and I figured that by this point everyone had dated almost anyone they had wanted to date. (Well almost everyone. I still hadn't gotten a date with Chloe, but I was beginning to think that she just wanted to be friends.)
The night before Cindy's party Shy girl asked me to meet her at Cubbyhole for a drink. To my surprise Sheila was there too.
"We are the best of friends," Shy girl said. "So you have to decide between us."
"We both like you a lot and want to date you more," Sheila said. "But we can't both date you."
The two of them looked at me like I was a prize pig. I really didn't want to have to choose between them.
"Well, I guess if I had to choose..." I started to say. I couldn't imagine sleeping with Sheila, the Star-fucker or the idea of her comparing her to me. Shy girl was pretty nice, but I wasn't completely sure about her. "I guess, I would have to choose Shy Girl."
"I knew it. Pay up.," Shy girl said. Sheila bought us drinks and then left the bar. "You don't know what you are missing out on," she whispered in my ear as she left.
So there I was New Years Eve with Shy Girl, Stalker, Silvi, Chloe, Jane, the rest of the gals from speed dating and a bunch of our closest friends. Chloe was the first to show up. She walked in as I setting up the table. Then she grabbed the plastic forks and stuffed them in a big red cup.
"Soooo. How was your holiday?" Chloe asked.
"Pretty good," I said. "I spent a lot of time with my family," I said. "You?"
"It was great. I saw my old friends back home in Cali,"she said.
"We missed our date," Chloe said.
"Yeah, we did. You were busy. I understand.," I said.
The doorbell rang. I answered. It was Stalker. "Hello dream girl, I brought something for ya," she said holding out a bottle of wine.
"Great. Thanks," I put the bottle of wine on the dining room table.
A little later everyone was there. I was on kitchen duty when Silvi came into the kitchen.
"Is Shy girl your girlfriend?" she asked as she put her arms around my waist.
"Nooooo," I replied.
"Because she says she is,"
"Awww swell," I muttered.
Silvi laughed and released me so I could drop food on the dining room table.
I walked out of the kitchen and put some fresh wings on the table. That's when Stalker shoved me into the door of Cindy's bedroom. "I know you want me," Stalker said to me and tried to kiss me.
I ducked. "Uh. Not exactly. Listen, I would like to just be friends with you," I said to her.
"You'll come around," she released me and wandered off.
Just as I was catching my breath I heard a crash. I ran out to the dining room where Shy girl was standing, and leaning on the table, as wine and wings were falling off of the table onto Cindy's white carpet. "Shit! Move!," I screamed.
Chloe grabbed the other side of the table just before I got to it and fixed it so nothing else could slip off. I grabbed towels and passed them to Jane, Cindy and anyone else who grabbed them to sop up the mess. Cindy's carpet gradually turned from red, to pink, to orange, and yellow.
After we had the carpet looking almost white, I retreated to the bathroom. I was washing the wine off of my hands and composing myself when I heard a knock. I opened the door.
Chloe pushed herself into the bathroom and shut the door. "Shhhhh," she said.
"Christ, I can't believe..." I started to say, but then Chloe kissed me. It was amazing. And we just kept kissing. All of the events from the evening just melted away.
"Happy New year," she said. "I had to find you. You were the only one I wanted to kiss tonight," she said and kissed me again. - Ruby
A few weeks ago Josh took me to Art Bar for drinks and a small bite to eat. I, then, took him to see Avatar (in 3-D, of course). The film was a trip. I have not worn 3-D glasses in ages and how far we have come from cardboard to plastic frames. Call me a sexual deviant, though seeing the Na'vi mating between Jake and Neytiri got me into the mood a bit...and seemingly did the same for Josh.
I went back to his place after picking up a six pack of Yeungling (the Pennsylvania aphrodisiac).
We discussed various topics and at one point I turned to him and said, "You never really elaborated on your heritage. You know that my parents were bound for their divorce considering the conflicting Irish and English bloodlines, though you have not said too much."
"There is not much to tell", he replied. "They were hairy, Jew-ey eastern European people," he said. Not only did this fail to offer any insight, I couldn't help but think of Chewbacca, as when he said "...hairy Jew-ey" I heard "...hairy Chewy...".
They couldn't be that hairy, could they?
We had made out before, though never had sex or been naked together. After killing the six pack, the mood was alive and hot. We made our way into the bedroom and I fell back onto...wait...is this really an air mattress placed atop a box spring?! Anywho, we were making out...off came his shoes...my pants...his glasses...my sweater...his t-...uhhhh. Underneath the t-shirt was another layer. It could have been mistaken for clothing, though no, no, no, this was a human forest were there nipples under there?
"OK, pretend to not notice", I told myself. I like Josh-A LOT-and we have been friends for quite some time, therefore I knew that I truly did want him; the hair did not bother me too much. Though, at this moment, as he unzipped his jeans, I heard the funniest sound as he stood in front of me and pulled my body, by my legs, into his...it was...the Chewbacca groan/roar...all I could think about was Wookie nookie and all I saw was...
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