Smoke Warnings

So as things with Frankie and Josh started to heat up, my dating life was starting to spark up again as well, thanks to speed dating.

Dates one and two were disastrous. Stalker kept calling me and I kept having nightmares about celebrity sex. D-celebrity sex. Unfortunately, the celebrities in my dreams were not hot and I woke up screaming. (Come on, you would wake up screaming too if you dreamed you were boffing Sarah Palin! Not that she's completely unattractive (Helloooo Tina Fey!), but mentally, I find Palin quite scary.)

Fortunately, my next date looked nothing like the Maverick in my dreams. She was a cool blond with a passion for art. Her name was Silvi and she wasn't just pretty-- she was hot. She wasn't much of a conversationalist, and that was Okay. She didn't seem interested in speaking with me-- even though I tried to have conversation with her- and I can't say that I was really interested in having a conversation with her. The chemistry worked for us and so for the first half an hour of our date we spent it making out in the back of Henrietta's. Well, that was until Stalker showed up.

"Oh, sure, well that's typical. Hey, you! Remember me! So, is this your regular routine?"

I winced and looked up at Silvi who was lip-locked with me. Silvi looked at me kind of shocked, and laughed. "I'm sorry. I said, but I'm here with someone else," I said and turned around.

"Yes, she's busy now. Scram," Silvi said, still laughing.

"Well, Honey," said Stalker. "I'm just saying she did this with me earlier this week."

"Oh please," I retorted. "You bit my face off."

"She wouldn't be sucking my face if she was the least bit interested with you," Silvi said.

"No, she wants me," said Stalker. "She's just too proud to admit it. She sees your hot ass and knows it's up for grabs," Stalker continued. "You're just another pretty face. She won't call you next week."

"I'm OK with her wanting my hot ass," Silvi said laughing. "If she calls next week, great. If not, I've got other prospects."

"Hey, hey. I've made no promises. I said in between the two of them. I've been honest. I am doing the speed dating thing," I said guiltily. "I'm not committing to a relationship."

"I have no complaints," Silivi said and smiled at me suggestively. "Who wants a relationship?"

"Well, when you realize I am the one for you it might be too late, " said Stalker as she stamped away.

"I'm willing to take my chances," I said.

Silvi and and I wound up back at her apartment after the stalker episode. She was wild, but afterwards we lay in bed not knowing what to do next. She started sketching on a notepad and I tried to talk about the new theory circulating about why Van Gogh cut off part of his ear.

"He had to be really depressed," Silvi responded and reached in her bag, "There are times, I'd like to chop off a finger or something I feel so sad," she continued. "But not now. You know?"

"Actually, I've never wanted to really cause myself physical harm like that," I said.

"Well, I think it's deep. I've, like tried to commit suicide four times, but I gave up after awhile," Silvi said.

"Oh, why would you do that?" I said trying not to sound upset.

"Oh, I dunno," Silvi said. "I was board, I think. And my girlfriend dumped me." Silvi lit up a joint and gestured to me.

"Uh huh...No thanks. I don't smoke." I wasn't quite sure how to respond.

"Smoke is so pretty. I wish I could frame it or something," she said. "It looks so alive, but dead, you know? It's inspiring"

I just nodded. I had no idea what she was talking about.

So," said Silvi. "I have another speed date thing tomorrow, but want to hang out later this week?" - Ruby