Shy or Sly?

My date with Silvi had been, well, a bit more than a date and not quite what I was used to, but it was one of the better speed dating dates. Yet, the good thing was that Silvi was also speed dating several girls from Henrietta speed dating and so why I.

My next and final date was with Shy Girl. My last date (the date I was looking forward to the most)with Cloe had been canceled. Shy Girl and I went to the Rocking Horse Cafe --far away from Henriettas. ( I really didn't want to talk to Stalker girl, again. She had called me at least three times today. )

Shy girl and I had a few things in common and I really liked speaking to her over some margaritas and tacos. She seemed shy, but I also felt like she might be putting me on. The only thing was that she kept talking about her non-experiences with girls.

"I really like girls, and you know, I've been with girls you know, but I've never had a girlfriend," she explained. "I really want one someday. My best friend is a lesbian so I think it runs in the family."

Shy girl had had a boyfriend and was apparently very sick of dating men.

"There's something so different about dating a woman," she said.

"Really?" I disagreed. "It's really just the same," I said. "The only difference is that women want to communicate all the time and over analyze things, whereas men don't really listen to what you are saying half of the time."

"I guess, that's true," she said. "But don't you feel like there is more emotional attachment with women?"

"Yes, that is true," I said. "I guess that is where I was kind of going to."

I liked her train of through and the conversation flowed. She was cute and, well, kind of quirky. But at the end of the date I leaned in to give her a kiss goodnight and she shook my hand. Abruptly and embarrassed I shook her hand. "Good Night," she said and headed off toward the subway.

No kiss, I thought. That was weird. I thought it had been going well. Why did I just get a hand shake?

I called Jane who was on a date with one of the other girls from the speed dating to see what she thought. But she was otherwise occupied. Cindy, my sage for advice when it comes to all things lesbian, notified me by text that she was probably straight.

"She's probably just curious. Nothing more," Cindy said. "You have this amazing ability to attract curious straight girls. But you will find out at the party if she is or not."

Cindy and I were holding a New Years Eve party at her place and we had invited all of the women from speed dating. We figured everyone would pair up. All of them could come, including Cloe. It would definately make an interesting evening.- Ruby

10 Essential iPhone Apps to Avoid Dating Disasters

Yes, Mashable is dishing us on this one. I could have used this one a long time ago...10 Essential iPhone Apps to Avoid Dating Disasters.

Smoke Warnings

So as things with Frankie and Josh started to heat up, my dating life was starting to spark up again as well, thanks to speed dating.

Dates one and two were disastrous. Stalker kept calling me and I kept having nightmares about celebrity sex. D-celebrity sex. Unfortunately, the celebrities in my dreams were not hot and I woke up screaming. (Come on, you would wake up screaming too if you dreamed you were boffing Sarah Palin! Not that she's completely unattractive (Helloooo Tina Fey!), but mentally, I find Palin quite scary.)

Fortunately, my next date looked nothing like the Maverick in my dreams. She was a cool blond with a passion for art. Her name was Silvi and she wasn't just pretty-- she was hot. She wasn't much of a conversationalist, and that was Okay. She didn't seem interested in speaking with me-- even though I tried to have conversation with her- and I can't say that I was really interested in having a conversation with her. The chemistry worked for us and so for the first half an hour of our date we spent it making out in the back of Henrietta's. Well, that was until Stalker showed up.

"Oh, sure, well that's typical. Hey, you! Remember me! So, is this your regular routine?"

I winced and looked up at Silvi who was lip-locked with me. Silvi looked at me kind of shocked, and laughed. "I'm sorry. I said, but I'm here with someone else," I said and turned around.

"Yes, she's busy now. Scram," Silvi said, still laughing.

"Well, Honey," said Stalker. "I'm just saying she did this with me earlier this week."

"Oh please," I retorted. "You bit my face off."

"She wouldn't be sucking my face if she was the least bit interested with you," Silvi said.

"No, she wants me," said Stalker. "She's just too proud to admit it. She sees your hot ass and knows it's up for grabs," Stalker continued. "You're just another pretty face. She won't call you next week."

"I'm OK with her wanting my hot ass," Silvi said laughing. "If she calls next week, great. If not, I've got other prospects."

"Hey, hey. I've made no promises. I said in between the two of them. I've been honest. I am doing the speed dating thing," I said guiltily. "I'm not committing to a relationship."

"I have no complaints," Silivi said and smiled at me suggestively. "Who wants a relationship?"

"Well, when you realize I am the one for you it might be too late, " said Stalker as she stamped away.

"I'm willing to take my chances," I said.

Silvi and and I wound up back at her apartment after the stalker episode. She was wild, but afterwards we lay in bed not knowing what to do next. She started sketching on a notepad and I tried to talk about the new theory circulating about why Van Gogh cut off part of his ear.

"He had to be really depressed," Silvi responded and reached in her bag, "There are times, I'd like to chop off a finger or something I feel so sad," she continued. "But not now. You know?"

"Actually, I've never wanted to really cause myself physical harm like that," I said.

"Well, I think it's deep. I've, like tried to commit suicide four times, but I gave up after awhile," Silvi said.

"Oh, why would you do that?" I said trying not to sound upset.

"Oh, I dunno," Silvi said. "I was board, I think. And my girlfriend dumped me." Silvi lit up a joint and gestured to me.

"Uh huh...No thanks. I don't smoke." I wasn't quite sure how to respond.

"Smoke is so pretty. I wish I could frame it or something," she said. "It looks so alive, but dead, you know? It's inspiring"

I just nodded. I had no idea what she was talking about.

So," said Silvi. "I have another speed date thing tomorrow, but want to hang out later this week?" - Ruby

Shorely Sick

I am sick. No not sick of dating. Not sick of work. I have the worst upper respiratory infection that I have ever had in my life. I think the last time I was this sick was when I quit smoking a few years ago. I am sick of being sick!

Josh wanted to go out, though I turned him down via text, as I thought my masculine voice would completely scare him away, long after I had recovered. Ruby had been working late and going out most nights. Nigella was ill with the same affliction, therefore decided to stay with me and have a sickly slumber party. Hey, misery does love company especially when company brings Duane Reade Grande Chunk cookies!

Staying home stinks. Not only will I not be paid for these two days off from work, as I am only a temporary employee still, though my entertainment options are extremely limited. My codeine cough syrup will not allow me to concentrate when attempting to read or absorb any substantial or educational programming, therefore I will not make an effort. My afternoons have been filled with Ellen, NY1, and commercials trying to convince me to send my unwanted gold jewelry to a place where it will be melted down. And my evenings...why Jersey Shore Baby!

This show has been receiving quite a bit of heat lately regarding its misrepresentation of Italian-Americans. I would never defend it as profound television programming or an accurate picture of Italian-Americans or New Jersey. It is, however, an accurate depiction of my favorite place...Staten Island. Three of the eight cast members hail from the landfill and, as a former resident, I am able to confirm that they represent the Island culture. This phenomenon, though most likened to guido culture, transcends cultural boundaries on the Island. Not only those who hail from Italian lineage, though also Filipino, Irish, Korean, Pakistani, Trinidadian, etc. embrace this culture. I understand that on Jersey Shore, much focus is given to the Italian flag, the act of making sauce (or gravy), and many other elements which are deemed Italian-American, though when actually living among them, I realized that guidos and guidettes are not necessarily Italian.

It has also caused quite a stir regarding their displayed or implied violence against women.

"What is the big deal?," asked Nigella, "it's a serious issue, though the only way serious issues may be tackled is if they gain notoriety. I am sure after seeing that idiot hauled away in hand cuffs more than a few men reexamined their behavior toward the women in their lives."

I agreed, "The public acts like it was much better to see Rihanna's beaten face rather than one punch in the face by some asshole. When I first saw Rihanna swollen, I truly thought it was a corpse; she was unrecognizable as a live human."

"The show is simply simple entertainment", continuted Nigella. "Some people, like you My Dear Frankie, are survivors who have defected from Staten Island or those who dream of defecting one day and revel in the mockery of that environment which you despise."

I reminded her, " Yes, Nigella, though others, live and breathe (without gagging) the Island life every day and partake in dating rituals such as kissing (as Pauly D would say "...with tha tongue...) multiple like minded party goers and then weighing their options before deciding who to take home and or taking body shots from tanned, hair gelled, pieces of...well...you know. Oh wait; isn't this what the New York City dating scene is like sans tanning beds and hair gel?"

"Hey Frankie check this out", Nigella pulled up a page on my laptop. "Even SNL's latest satire of Staten Island took place after the the premiere of Jersey Shore; coincidence?"

"Eh, probably, though again, great entertainment", I replied, laughing.

What makes Jersey Shore great is that is is not supposed to be taken seriously. If we could, for one moment stop being so sensitive, perhaps we could recognize the humor of such satire and appreciate the effort of MTV to address and take responsibility for the few serious issues which have arisen. One thing I do hope is that MTV chooses a new location for next season. Perhaps they will choose a little New Jersey Shore town called...Wildwood. As survivors of New York suburbs and summer weekends at the Jersey Shore Nigella and I agree: Point Pleasant may not be as classy as Seaside, though will be much more entertaining. --Frankie

Pizza and Politics

While Ruby contemplated her next move after doubling down and unwittingly competing against a [still nameless] musician, Josh and I decided to get together on Thursday. I have been on a pizza kick lately and Josh agreed to take me to Patsy's on University.

We had some wine and an enormous pie, though this is New York and it was Patsy's pizza. As we left Patsy's and walked home along the west side of Union Square Park where the holiday market is now in place, Josh asked a strange question. "So do you have plans for the rest of the evening?", he wondered. It was a strange question and I wondered if he was having a bad time.

"I know it's only 9:30 on a work night. I don't know...perhaps take it slowly. Go home get ready for tomorrow." This was lame, what the hell? Was it me?

"Oh...well...I didn't mean that I wanted to end the date, but, OK...this is lame [seems like he and I were on the same page at this point]. I want to watch The Daily Show and ..." I interrupted Josh and said, "Oh, well that isn't lame...I am going to wind up watching it as well; followed by The Colbert Report". Josh looked surprised, "Really? You're interested in that type of thing?", he asked.

I laughed, "Uh, news? Current events? Laughing? Why yes, I am an incredibly huge fan of laughing", I joked. Seemingly amazed that I didn't want to watch reruns of Desperate Housewives, Josh invited me over to hang out, drink wine, and watch Jon Stewart's commentary on New York's failure to pass legislation allowing gay marriage (seriously? Who do we think we are? California?), the Denialism of Michael Specter (No, couldn't be), and Switzerland's new found bias (isn't that an oxymoron?).

We started making out before Stephen Colbert could ....

Things heated up and then slowed down. We began to fall asleep and Josh asked if I wanted to stay over. "Yes", I replied, "though I am not having sex with you. Josh, don't even try it" (yes, really I said it). He laughed, "Don't worry, that's fine. Make yourself comfortable", as he grabbed a pair of boxers for me.

I fell asleep on his chest and slept through the night until my alarm went sounded at 7:30 the next morning. --Frankie

Don't pull a Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods, what have you done? Did you not take away anything from the millions of failed affairs out there? You were at the top of your game and you let dating ruin your life. You are officially a dating disaster! Running around with Jamie Grubbs and Rachel Uchitel, while married to Elin Nordegren had to have been complicated enough. If only you hadn't smashed your car or cheated on your wife, the tabloids might not have picked it apart. Sign along with this slow jam to Tiger below. - Ruby