Tit for Tat

On this day after Halloween 2009, I must address an issue which has frustrated me for ages. Last night, Nigella, her childhood friend Nicole, Nicole's boyfriend Bo, and I headed to the West Village for Halloween festivities. We have been feeling a bit too old to mingle with the post parade crowd, though decided to venture out, as Bo was visiting from out of town. We visited one of my favorites, XR Bar. It was here we mingled with Pacman, a few bananas, Charlie Brown & Lucy, and Vivian (Julia Robert's character from Pretty Woman). After leaving XR bar, it was time for some pizza from Arturo's. During our walk, not once, but twice, Nigella was felt up by random male passers by who felt obligated to touch my friend's breasts, as they walked toward her in the opposite direction. Another adventurous blue M&M grabbed hold of my arm as he walked by me and when I tried to break free he resisted until I stabbed him with my plastic devil's pitchfork. At 6'5 and an estimated 300 pounds, Bo is quite an intimidating bodyguard and though he was about to melt this M&M down to his peanut core, he couldn't stop everyone from committing every offense. Though why is it that three grown, adult women need a chaperone to protect against losers who feel that they have the right to disrespect and take from women in such a manner?

Why do certain people feel the need to touch and grab other people's body parts while walking past them in the opposite direction, if there is an attraction? Walk by molestation has been a peeve of mine for quite some time. I am truly sick and tired of this behavior. I remember walking through The Tunnel as a young club goer in NYC, having my ass pinched, and quickly throwing an elbow to the suspected assailants kidney before they could make a clear getaway. Just last March, I defended myself against another ass-ault by grabbing the culprit by the throat.

And no, don't think that it's only the men touching women inappropriately. I have had quite a few women commit pinch and runs on my bottom as well.

And the argument of a woman asking for such attention by dressing in a promiscuous outfit is purely bullshit as well. No, we were not dressed in thong panties and fishnets, though if we were, there is still no right granted to anyone to touch another person without invitation. I have always believed that if someone touches me inappropriately, license is granted to me to defend myself. I asked Nigella why she didn't slap the guys who touched her and she said that it all really happened too quickly to identify the person whose hand she felt touch her; like when this happens while riding the subway.

By the end of the evening (an early 12:30 am) we were all a bit tired of the crowd in general and hailed a taxi back to Nigella's place in Astoria. After the lovebirds fell asleep, Nigella and I finished off our lasagna pie slices, which we reheated to perfection (though they are amazing cold as well) and decided that next year we would keep the Halloween party at someone's apartment so that we wouldn't be harassed by idiots who wanted to solicit a party in their pants. Ruby is always saying that we should host more parties; hmmm, I wondered how my roomie's night was going. "Nigella", I said, "next time a blue M&M tries to touch me, I'm going to make him melt when I kick him in the nuts." --Frankie