Punch drunk love

"Hey Frankie, what happened to that 12 pack we just bought," I asked, while standing in the kitchen and staring into the fridge.

"Huh? I thought you drank it. I didn't have one," she replied.

"No, I didn't have any," I responded. "Who...?"

"Well, we bought it Thursday and I was out all day yesterday, except when you got back," Frankie interrupted.

"And Kerry, Cindy were all here yesterday so It had to be one of them. But why would they steal a 12 pack?"

"They didn't. They drank it," Frankie said and popped open the garbage can exposing 12 Corona bottle caps along with pizza crusts.

"How is that even possible?" I started to ask and climbed up to our liquor cabinet above the stove.

"What are you doing?" Frankie asked."What happened yesterday, anyway after I went to sleep?"

"I just want to make sure," and I said as I grabbed the anisette bottle. I smelled it. Someone had filled it with water. "Shit. No."

I climbed down from the cabinet trying to remember the past couple of days. "Country Club was over Thursday night. I went to bed early and he joined me later, but what time I couldn't say. Then Kerry and Cindy were over yesterday..."

"Yeah, but you guys were already drunk when you showed up Friday and the beer was gone by then because Cindy and I were looking for it," Frankie said.

"Really?" I asked shocked. "Country Club was up really late Thursday and he was acting weird. Maybe it was him."

"It was Country Club. It had to have been Country Club. So, he's history? Maybe what happened was for the best, Ruby," Frankie said and started looking at the liquor bottles. "This one is water too," she said and gulped a swig from a vodka bottle. "Yup. Tell me what happened? I'm dying to know...Hello?"

"Well..."I began, "Friday night...."

Kerry and I had gone out to RedSky with some of her friends from the gym and met up with the guy she went on a date with. Country Club was supposed to meet us there later. We had already had had a couple martinis and were tipsy, laughing and dancing together when the guy she had gone on the date with (we'll call him' Hands') walked up to us and started dancing behind Kerry wildly. It was almost as if he were grinding her from behind and having seizures at the same time. She raised her eyebrow and grabbed my waist to draw me in close.

"Oh my god, help," she laughed and whispered in my ear. We both started laughing hysterically.

"This one is all yours," I said and winked.

Kerry, turned around and gave Hands a kiss on the cheek and stopped dancing, which immediately seemed to calm Hands down. "Hands this is Ruby," she said.

"Wow. Yeah, Ruby. Kerry said you were attractive," he said creepily. Then he laughed and looked at Kerry. "I could take both of you to bed tonight if this one is O.K. with it."

"Um. My boyfriend should be here soon," I started feeling a bit awkward and weirded out.

"Ha. I don't think you'll have that option," Kerry said to Hands looking hurt and pushing him away.

He grabbed her waist. "Come on baby. I was just kidding."

Cindy showed up at the bar that very moment (Thank God), and after a brief introduction to Hands, Cindy whisked me over to the side. We watched the two love birds interact or rather argue. "What the hell is that, and why do we have to be in a regular bar? I hate straight people," Cindy said.

"Hey," I started to respond.

"Shut up, you're not straight. You're confused," Cindy said looking around.

"Yeah right," I laughed. "Where the hell is Country Club anyway?"

Cindy and I started dancing together as we talked. "What the hell does she see in that dude?" Cindy said, laughing, and referring to Hands and Kerry who were now dancing together. He kept trying to feel her up as they were dancing and she kept removing his hands from her body.

"He's vegan," I retorted a bit jealous that someone was touching Kerry that way. "I don't know. I guess he's kind of cute for a guy. He's a pig though."

"A pig, you'd like to be right now," Cindy said laughing. "Get over it, baby. And what is this fucking thing with Country Club?"

"I like Country Club. He's my boyfriend and I am fucking him," I said getting a bit mad at Cindy.

"Ewwwww. Man on woman sex is disgusting," Cindy said laughing and put her arms around me and started dancing close and teasingly. "Come on. You know you like pussy."

"Oh baby..." I said laughing at Cindy trying to look sexy.

I felt someone put their hands on my back, turned quickly, and felt relieved that it was Kerry. She whispered in my ear, "I want to go back to your place and ditch the weirdo."

"What you had enough?" I laughed. "O.K. Cindy will be relieved to get out of here too," I said laughing.

Kerry spoke to Hands briefly before leaving and the three of us left the bar to go chill out at my apartment. I dialed Country Club on the way, but he didn't answer the phone. When we got to the apartment I put on some music and Frankie joined us. The four of us danced around to "Girls just want to have fun". Cindy and I pretended to be Hands and kept grabbing at Kerry.

"What a fucking jerk!" Cindy exclaimed. "I want pizza. What some?"

"I do," Frankie said.

"I'm going to put on pajamas," I responded and started stumbling toward the bedroom.

"O.K. We'll be back," Cindy said quickly, grabbed her coat and trotted out of the apartment with Frankie singing Cyndi Lauper loudly.

Kerry followed me into the bedroom. We were both tipsy and laughing. "I get the blue pajamas," Kerry said going through my dresser drawer.

"Who do you think you are?" I said laughing and started to undress.

I was down to my undies when I turned around and saw that Kerry had also undressed and was laying in her underwear (a purple thong) suggestively on my bed. "Come here," she said.

"O.K." I said trying not to sound too excited even though I was ready to jump into bed and do what every she wanted. I grabbed the pajamas and threw them at her. "Get dressed. What do you want?"

She started to cry. "Awww. What's wrong?" I said feeling stupid and pulled her close. "I'm sorry."

"No," she wailed.

God, she is really drunk, I thought. I'm really drunk, I thought. "Is it that guy? He wasn't worth it. Especially not crying for."

She giggled a little. "What's wrong with me? These A-holes are so shitty and all I mean are A-holes!" she said sobbing again. I held her and listened. I could empathize. I had gone out with enough men to know that half of them were like Hands.

"Can we just lay here for a bit?" she asked half sobbing. "Can you hold me?"

"Sure," I said completely baffled. I wrapped my arms around her and she pulled the sheets up over us. I was confused. I thought she didn't like me this way. We lay in bed, the two of us. Just cuddling and Kerry softly crying. At some point we must have fallen asleep.

I woke up to a loud bang and someone shouting "Oh my god!" It was Cindy.

There was another loud bang and Cindy bolted into the room cautiously. "Ruby! What the hell?"

I looked at her confused until I realized what Kerry and I must have looked like. Her legs and arms were wrapped around my body and her face was in the pillow right by my face. Kerry woke up and giggled a little. "Oh, who cares?"

"Cin. It's not what you think?" I started to say. "We were sleeping..."

"Please," Cindy who had appeared at the door and was glaring at Kerry. "I don't care. Her boyfriend will care though! He's crazy! When Frankie and I came back, I came to get you, but I saw the two of you two in bed...so told her you guys had fallen asleep so we decided to crash and I grabbed the couch. At around 3, Country Club started banging at the door. He was extremely drunk. I answered and said I wouldn't let him come in, and he tried to get past me. He nearly punched me, but hit the door. I told him I would call the police if he didn't leave," Cindy said.

"Oh. Shit," I said trying to free myself from Kerry's clutches. "Did he get in? Are you O.K.? Where is Frankie?"

Kerry giggled and pulled herself closer to me. "Come on. You don't need him or her," she said and giggled again.

"You're drunk," I said to Kerry. "Stop it and go back to sleep."

Kerry let go, turned over and covered her head with a pillow and sighed.

"She's asleep. No. You dope," Cindy said. " I can handle myself. He left and started screaming at the door that it was over with you and he was done with you, and hated dykes," she said."He's insane and a mess."

"Something must have happened," I said shocked and embarrassed. "I'm so sorry."

"Something must have..." Cindy said looking at Kerry.

I shrugged and shook my head. "No..."

"Yeah, right. Well, I'm crashing on the couch," Cindy said gesturing toward Kerry. "Have fun with that one. I'm never answering your door again. AND..." Cindy whispered, "I told you, you like pussy." - Ruby