Dating is hard;dating in NYC is harder

Dating is hard, and dating in New York City is harder. The reason: no one actually dates in NYC. It’s more like auditioning for a Broadway show or a television series.

I think of dating as kind of an innocent thing, where two people meet and they go out to dinner and decide if they like each other and try it again before something more blooms. That kind of dating, I only see in romantic comedies staring Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, Renee Zellwiger or Colin Firth.

My fling with Elizabeth was no exception. It was fun and fast. We did things that I never thought about. It was surreal. She was very strong and very appealing. I couldn’t believe how much I liked being with this beautiful woman. She liked to push me up against walls and kiss me or we would make out in Victoria’s secret dressing rooms, while trying on underwear. But the romance was short lived. She wanted a serious relationship and there was no way I was going to make that sort of commitment with a woman I had just met. Plus, I felt kind of funny about being with a woman at all. I felt like I had a big old scarlet letter L on my forehead and any minute rocks may be thrown at me.

The way I felt wasn’t right, but it was just the way it was. I felt some sort of self hatred. I really loved being around Elizabeth the few days we were together, but at the same time I hated that we couldn’t walk down the street hand and hand without guys gawking at us and screaming, “You two are together!? Awesome. Can I watch? You want a threesome?”

It was humiliating and I felt weird telling Frankie that I was seeing a girl too. So when she asked about this mystery date for Valentine’s Day I used pronouns such as “they” and”we” in order to keep her from knowing too much. God, what would my family say if they knew?! I didn’t even want to go there.

Elizabeth and I went to Zen in Union Square. We had a great dinner, purely vegetarian. After a few drinks, we both decided that it would be best if we remained friends because she wanted a relationship with another lesbian and I didn’t know what I wanted. So like at the end of an Ally McBeal episode we parted amicably and I walked home underneath the street lights, in my own solace, happily single. -Ruby