Pronouns are my friends

I, we, they; it. All have worked my way into my sentences lately. Pronouns are my friends. It’s not that I’m ashamed or embarrassed to have Elizabeth as a girlfriend. Uh…girlfriend? That takes on a whole new meaning for me. It’s just that I’m scared of what people will think of me and how they will react and judge me. Or maybe I’m scared of me? Where am I headed? Damn, why do I like her so much?
For instance, when I get roses at work; they are signed,”E”. Now, I let people at work think what they like.
“Oh, so who is this ‘E’?,”one of my peers asked.
So I said,”Oh, it is the person I am seeing. They are great,” I say before I knew what what is coming out of my mouth.
“The person? They?” he responded. “Well, he is very lucky and he knows how to treat a gal,” he said.
But at no time did I tell him that ‘E’ was a girl. Is that wrong?
I told one of my friends out of work that I was seeing a girl, “Ruby, you are the straightest person I know,” she responded. “You must be kidding. There is no way. You are confused and this thing is a phase and a friendship. Have you thought about getting back together with…”
No. This is more than a friendship, but I just don’t know how to tell someone that mostly because it seems that most people don’t believe me. I say most.
I had to talk to Cindy, dare I say my ex-….friend. Not really, but she gets me.
“No fucking way. I knew it” she declares. “High school. I had you pegged,” she says.
“All right. Shut up,” I say. “What the fuck is this? I hate myself. I can’t tell anyone who I am or what I’m going through. Its awful and great at the same time. Its like I have a secret I’ve been keeping from everyone for years and years and didn’t know about it. This isn’t the way I felt in high school.”
“Maybe,” Cindy started. “Maybe, just, maybe that’s what you have been doing?But, and I hate to say it, because I’m fantastic, BUT, I wasn’t right and she is.”
“Maybe,” I started. “Maybe, I’m just over-analyzing this whole mess like I always do and I should end it all,” I said.
“Is that what you really want?” she asked.
“No and yes. I don’t know. It’s like I don’t know what I am or want anymore. One minute I’m wanting something stable and the next moment I’m in the most unstable relationship I could be in. Right?” I asked.
” Ruby,” Cindy said. “What is unstable about this? Because it’s a girl? That’s bullshit.”
“You’re right. I’m afraid of nothing or something. Why can’t I tell people? I think my employer will fire me and my friends will hate me and my family will disown me? I hate this.”
“Welcome to my world,” Cindy said.
“What happened to my pronoun use. I liked using he and she,” I said. – Ruby