Auf Weidersehen Doubt

Here I sit in an armchair in my hotel room at Hotel Savoy in Munich, feet up on the windowsill, coffee in one hand, wearing nothing but a merlot shade of toenail polish. It has been an amazing two weeks and I am learning so much about the world and my role within it.

Gemma and I made our way through Eastern Europe; gluvine in Prague, Sacher Torte and underground dance clubs in Vienna. There was the beautiful, sunny day when I felt the inexplicable, dark, silent pain which one can experience only when visiting Auschwitz-Birkenau. Four days ago she and I sat on the bank of the Spree River in front of the Berlin Wall’s East Side Gallery before we both headed to the airport; she to catch a flight home and I to rent a car and begin my Autobahn adventure. She could tell my mind was drifting…

Gemma: “Are you sure you can drive manually down the Autobahn if I give you a 15 minute crash course?”

Frankie: “Perhaps this isn’t the best idea, I should really spring for the automatic. Cooper tried teaching me when I was last in Brissy (or Brisbane, Australia).” [Smiling at the memory] “I didn’t do so well.” [Smile Fading]

Gemma: “Don’t do it Frankie.” [softly shaking her head]

Frankie: “What…don’t do what??” [nervously laughing]

Gemma: “You did the right thing…leaving him. It would have only become more severe if you returned to Brisbane.”

Frankie: “Fine, point taken. You have to stop or I am going to cry.” [Too late as tears begin to stream]

Gemma: “There shouldn’t have been a first time. He should have never raised a hand to you!! You said the first time was a jab to the ribs…and then the second…harder than that first punch. If you didn’t break it off then there would have been a ninth, sixteenth and then one day, you know what would happen one day. And then of course, I would have to avenge you by killing him.”

Frankie: [Wiping away the tears] “I know, thanks Gemma. Thank you for being such a great friend. And it is so comforting to know that I can enlist you as a hit woman!” [Now we were both laughing]

Truly…I felt free, so free. After seeing region after region where inhumane acts and crimes imprisoned so many for so many years, I felt grateful. Grateful for my personal freedom; freedom to control this life–leave when I want, and know that I will fight for that which I deserve.

I now look over at the bed where James’ rests, so peaceful and beautiful, and know that this is the perfect ending to my European adventure. My flight to London leaves later today and I will spend the evening with an old college friend before returning to NYC.

James rolls over and sleepily asks me to return to bed, in that thick, masculine accent. I slide into his arms; strong, solid warm embrace. His body molds to my form and we slide into a cozy, warm slumber. –Frankie