Pest from the Past

I was looking forward to an amazing birthday evening with friends, which I did manage to enjoy. A bit hungover the next morning, I received a massive arrangement of flowers and huge box of Godiva chocolate accompanied by a note reading only,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

THINKING OF YOU

-ME

“Oh how sweet”, I thought, “Cooper sent flowers.”

Though we were no longer dating, the relationship between my ex, Cooper Bogues, and I remains civil, we still speak and do want only good things for each other. Cooper lived on the other side of the world and such a long distance relationship was no longer something which I could bear. Though we now had a successful platonic relationship, this birthday floral arrangement was a bit much; and though the Aussie dollar has made quite a gain against the US greenback, it still must have cost him quite a pretty penny…wait, the Aussies removed pennies from circulation; OK, FINE–a pretty ten cent piece! I sent an email thanking him, though he never responded. Did he send the arrangement? Curiosity really was eating away at me, I just HAD to know.

I rang the florist and much to my dismay, they could not reveal the sender’s identity, as they requested to remain anonymous. Despite her legal obligation to her client, the florist wanted me to guess, as she thought the gesture was terribly sweet….little did either of us know how terrible.

“Well, could you please tell me if the order was placed internationally or locally?”, I asked.

“It was local. If you say a name, I can hint.”, she replied. I responded by rattling off a few names of my most recent almost lovers, none of whom were the sender. “Oh no, it couldn’t be”, I thought, as fear welled inside, memories of my other ex or the ex-boyfriend-turned-crazed psycho stalker and the story of Kitty Genovese replayed in my head. Four years had passed, could it be??? “Ralph Puglia?” I ask, nervously.

Excitedly the florist responds, “I think you are HOT!”

Great–the stalker returns.

–Frankie