Fire Extinguisher

Firefighter Joe and I finally decided, on Friday, to go out for drinks. Ruby nonchalantly passed the window after he pulled up to the building; nice car–Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder, though not coming up, just a telephone ring to make me aware that he was waiting downstairs. Ruby tells me I look fabulous and promises to meet us at SNAFU in a few hours, as she has a date this evening, though she will not volunteer any details. It has become a bit difficult to have her open up about any of the men whom she is dating lately.

As I approach the passenger door, Joe leans over the center console to open my door and I guess he is exhausted from food shopping all day with the boys from his company. Oh well, he is not as attractive as I initially thought; I guess uniforms do make the man; I really should avoid giving my number out, unless he is dressed in plain clothes. Joe apologized for not parking the car and picking me up at my door, citing the lack of parking in the area. I immediately thought his legs must be broken, as he didn’t walk around to open the car door for me either…well I guess he doesn’t conduct Sonny’s door test .

Once inside SNAFU, we walked to my favorite sofa upstairs, and after sinking in, were greeted by a hot Brazilian waitress. So yes, this Brasileira belonged sunbathing on Ipanema Beach, rather than serving as a waitress in a Manhattan bar, though there was no reason my date should have moved beyond the boundaries of noticing a beautiful woman toward full on flirting! I truly thought he may jump her bones right there on the coffee table. After she took our order, my date proceeded to make an attempt at seducing me…in public…on the sofa! I thought, just because you are part of the F.D.N.Y, not every woman wants to sleep with you…especially after so many disappointments in one evening! Shouldn’t members of the department display only their best behavior, especially following assaults like those by Peter Braunstein and subsequent copycats?

Once Ruby arrived (sans beau), I felt a bit more empowered and exclaimed, “We are leaving NOW”! I turned toward Fire Prick and promised, “If you follow me, I will douse you with water and extinguish the inferno in your pants”! –Frankie

Baffled by Burger Boy

So I realize that there is a recession, but no one has taken me on a date to McDonald’s since middle school, that was until Burger Boy. Burger Boy was very cute. A friend of a friend. He, unfortunately has no taste.

For our first date he picked me up and took me to McDonald’s two blocks away from our apartment. Why on earth would he do that? He’s clueless.

Burger Boy started the date off by telling me about his ex-girlfriends. All of them. Once I heard the 15th– the lesbian turned suicidal and how he wanted to kill himself at one point– I downed the rest of my Diet Coke, thanked him for the fries, and took the rest of my life to go. - Ruby

‘Nuff Said

T-Mobile Voice Mail Message, June 2, 9:21 pm:

“Hey, what’s going on? It’s Adam. You need to come out on Wednesday and DO me even if you don’t want to DO anyone else you need to come out and DO me on Wednesday; so make time, come out and you can meet some of my other friends, its going to be a crazy party. It will be nice and early, close to home…alright? CALL ME.”

-Frankie